Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

If you know what the Transformers are, you know pretty much what to expect from this sequel to 2007's film, Transformers, also based around the wars of the Hasbro action figures. If you know the difference between Autobots and Decepticons, you already know what to expect. If you've seen that 2007 film, you probably have a good idea of what to expect. You'll probably not be surprised by whatever happens in the third Transformers film that this one sets up as a possible sequel.

In fact, if you've ever seen the last ten minutes of an episode of Power Rangers, you've got the basic idea of the Transformers films: big robots knock seven bells out of each other, ideally in the middle of a bustling metropolis. Add in a bit of King Kong or Cloverfield and you've got the American military trying to take down the bad guys.

Like the Power Rangers, Transformers also have a raft of merchandise. Unlike the Power Rangers, the Transformer toy came first, before the films or TV shows. Another difference is the sheer scale of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. It is huge. Massive battle scenes play out across deserts, all over cities and through the skies. They even go under water (no rusting!) and into space. There is a plot loosely tacked onto all this, but it's basically a series of opportunities for big robots to smash each other up. If anyone's interested, evil Decepticon leader (with a name like that, you'd know not to trust them, eh?) the Fallen (voiced by Tony Todd) is keen to get hold of the Matrix of Leadership in order to activate his monumentally huge gun that will harvest Earth's sun. He releases stalwart villain Megatron (Hugo Weaving's voice) from the ocean, so Optimus Prime (voiced by Peter Cullen) – with human Sam (Shia LeBeouf) – must once again save the world. All fairly standard rescue-the-mystical-key-with-a-silly-name-from-an-ancient-tomb-and-stop-the-baddies'-superweapon. It's all a bit Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull meets The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor – with big robots.

But the plot isn't really important; you're watching a Transformers film for the thrill of cars or plans or trucks turning into ten-tonne robots and slapping each other about. You're watching to see which humongous weapon the American military will wheel out next. You're watching for the explosive set-pieces and battle-sequences that hit you time and again. That's what Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen does, and does very well. Don't watch for the plot; it's not the point and you'll only be disappointed (or start asking questions about whether an American military incursion in Jordan to fight the easily-identified Decepticons is easier/better than an incursion into Afghanistan to fight the trickily-identified Taliban, or why the f*ck-off rail gun is only used on Rampage but not on the Fallen or Megatron).

Also, Mark Ryan's decidedly northern – and brilliantly cynical – cranky Jetfire is well worth watching for, along with twins Wheelie and Skids (both Tom Kenny's voice) and their deliciously creepy ice cream van. Shame they get 'upgraded' so early on.